That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
