If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
soo... how was my night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
