so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
