Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
