you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
