I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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