i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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