Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
