Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.