Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result

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(562): View more from California

not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

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(212): View more from New York

it was like a zeppelin in a condom

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(440): View more from Ohio

omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had

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(352): View more from Florida

She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance

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(618): View more from Illinois

He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

(224): View more from Illinois

Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.

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