can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?