I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i would punch a child for taco bell
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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