We're like a lot better than the average bears
too bad you live with your parents still
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.