Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1140) Bad night (2701)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

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  (617): Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move http://tfl.nu/h692
  Replies (54) Good night (511) Bad night (3007)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

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  (412): Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well. (1-412): Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel. http://tfl.nu/ymay
  Replies (5) Good night (635) Bad night (2046)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....

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  (206): We just picked up about 540 lbs of women.... http://tfl.nu/g6wv
  Replies (179) Good night (1520) Bad night (3034)
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  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3927) Bad night (673)
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  (310): View more from California

  you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.

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  (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk. http://tfl.nu/32ev
  Replies (21) Good night (5200) Bad night (889)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.

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  (214): didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping. http://tfl.nu/hx4w
  Replies (12) Good night (4480) Bad night (830)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.

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  (931): My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life. http://tfl.nu/ajpd
  Replies (9) Good night (5100) Bad night (834)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

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  (512): You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you." http://tfl.nu/7ipp
  Replies (9) Good night (4201) Bad night (1683)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

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  (206): i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin http://tfl.nu/oy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (1092) Bad night (4376)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2957) Bad night (940)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.

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  (573): I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon. http://tfl.nu/xp8x
  Replies (3) Good night (689) Bad night (1312)
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  (323): View more from California

  Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!

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  (323): Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end! http://tfl.nu/gq8b
  Replies (2) Good night (1093) Bad night (665)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.

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  (716): Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories. http://tfl.nu/jhay
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (235)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner

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  (608): I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner http://tfl.nu/zwav
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (227)

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