I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
