ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.