I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face