its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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