I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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