At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
