he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize