all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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