these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
