i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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