you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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