Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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