Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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