Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
