Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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