dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i think my cat just said my name.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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