i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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