yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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