Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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