I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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