do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My cat gives me a boner
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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