oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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