Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
