you win again, gameday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
