she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your penis caused this!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize