I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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