i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
