When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
