Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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