just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
