we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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