..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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