I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
