the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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