She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
