She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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