you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
