I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.