she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.