Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
