you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
