you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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