Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
