super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
