I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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