do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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