I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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