Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We are all done wearing pants today
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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