i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
