Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize