She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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