apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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