U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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