why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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