Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
