My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
