There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if only i could text you this smell
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
